Awkwardddd...

Here’s a question for you: ever have a pair of pants that the fly would never stay up? No matter what you do, aside from safety pinning it to yourself, it just has a mind of its own and likes to stay low? Ever have a pair of pants with a fly that would never stay up, and you didn’t know that little fun fact til too little too late? Well, that may or may not have been my pants today. Okay, it was actually. All eight hours long. Couple that with being the “new” girl in the office, that makes for some good-nice-to-get-to-know-ya awkwardness. I guess I won’t be wearing these pants to work anymore.

Sorry, no pics!

Baby Jay

Last night I had a crazy dream. (Isn’t that the line from a country song? Anyway…) I can’t say it was the craziest, because I’ve had some pretty bizarre ones before. One time I dreamt that Darth Vader was my boss, and no, I wasn’t a storm trooper. Though in this particular dream, I was pregnant (and just to clarify, I am NOT pregnant—stop that rumor right here), and John was one of the few people that knew. Well I ended up going into labor almost two months shy of my due date and gave birth to a premature baby boy. I know I must have been dreaming because not only was giving labor breezy, this little guy weighed 8 lbs 17 oz (obviously math doesn’t add up correctly here), and I took him home with me that same day. The doctors said despite being premature, he was healthy and didn’t need to be under their supervision anymore. And apparently I was okay with this??!!

After being with us for almost two weeks, he still was unnamed. I was getting irritated with John because I told him that we couldn’t announce the birth of our child to anyone until he had been given a name. I kept suggesting great names (and even in reality, they are pretty good—to me anyway), but he kept knocking my suggestions like Harrison, Beau, Spencer, Chaz, Tagg, and instead recommended names like Egbert, Fred, Mortimer, etc. Tired and frustrated from waiting, I decided to officially name him Jay Harrison since John couldn’t pick a decent one. For some reason, John started to call him Wolfgang even though he was aware I already named him Jay (there’s no logic in dreams really). Whatever, I was just happy he had a name, so I could tell people he had finally arrived, and to announce his birth (and my pregnancy), I took a picture of baby Jay and sent a mass text to everyone. Oh, and to emphasize even more that this was only a dream, baby Jay slept through the night every night, was always happy, and rarely cried, even that one time I accidently dropped him on the kitchen floor. Apparently I’m klutzy even in my dreams.

Yup, that was the crazy dream or the parts I could recall anyway. Though I hope it’s no indicator of what will eventually happen. If my premature baby weighs 9 lbs, I can only imagine what my babe in the oven for nine months would come out weighing! And I really hope that when the time does eventually come, John will like my baby name suggestions; we’ll announce our pregnancy properly, and I’ll become graceful in time to avoid dropping my children on the floor...

So friends, here’s to sweet dreams, and well, if you can’t have those, at least be entertained! Oh, and on a side note, I apologize to any Egberts, Freds or Mortimers out there. J

If the shoe fits...

...buy it in every color! I think anybody who knows me well knows I love a good pair of cute shoes. Or let me say a good pair of cute pumps. “Flats are for quitters” is my motto. I don’t know if I should admit this, but I just counted and I have 39 pairs of high heels. Shh, don’t tell John!

When I moved from Idaho to Georgia, I had a bunch of stuff packed in my trunk, my backseat, John’s Jeep and in the moving van. Most of my clothing items were in our van, but last odds and end items I put in my car since I was hanging out in Idaho a little longer than Johnny Boy. I don’t know what it is, but every time I move, I always seem to lose one shoe from a pair, so I have to throw out the other one. Such a shame! I try to be super organized, but somehow things always get lost amid moving. I’m sure in the middle of America at some gas stop, there is some beautiful black stiletto sitting there lost without its good-looking mate from two years back, because I'm convinced it had to have fallen out along the way.

So this trip to Georgia shouldn't have been any different, right? Well, when I finally unpacked everything, you guessed it; one of my high heel shoes was missing. Another black stiletto. Maybe it’s a sign? I hope not. Anyway, I was little upset about it and told John, and as he gazed over to my shoes, he told me it probably wasn't that big of a deal because I have lots of black shoes that weren't missing that were wearable. Men! He doesn’t understand that there are different types of black shoes. Just kidding, I really expected that type of response from him so I decided to be silent and mourn privately.

About two weeks later, I was getting groceries out of my trunk, and whatdahyaknow, my missing shoe was stuck in a tiny opening covered by the carpet of the trunk. So needless to say, I was happy to be reunited my lost shoe and even John was a little happy for me (probably because he knew I wouldn't be replacing it). It’s the little things in life that make a good day into a great day. And like Cinderella will tell you, a pair of shoes can change your life!

The missing shoes reunited at last. I have to say though, they look better when they're on my feet! :)

Oh, Eleanor

Disclaimer: A lot of harsh descriptives are used. If you’re in a really good mood or so perfect that you're not human (as in you’ve never gotten upset), this is a complete waste of your time.

Well, I’m supposed to be writing a paper right now about the dynamics of my family, but I can’t. I’m so distracted. My blood is boiling; I’m so annoyed with some people. I usually don’t vent to the computer, and I try to be positive and witty on here and on facebook (although, I just vented on facebook to my sister, Michelle). I don’t know if it’s my time of the month, or I’ve just reached my highest tolerance level, and this last straw was just too, too heavy for me to handle. I just don’t know what it is. But whatever it is, I usually don’t get enraged like this. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been notorious in my family about my bad temper, but this is abnormal, even for me.

[with arms flailing]:
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Okay, there was my virtual scream. Whew.

Well, I’m not going to divulge any juicy gossip or anything, but let’s just say yada yada yada happened and I got a little upset. Okay, maybe a lot upset. You know I’m off my rocker, why cover it up now? And when I started thinking about it, I thought, ‘Why do I give these snot-noses (for a lack of better word, or actually maybe just for the sake of an appropriate word) so much control over my emotions’? Well, really, why do I? It makes me think of Eleanor Roosevelt when she said, “No one can make you feel inferior without their consent.” Well, I wish she would have embellished a little more info about that whole not giving consent part, because I could use the advice.

Maybe it’s a good thing. This might be the sprouting of my ‘well-I’ll-just-show-you’ seed. Hope so. Something good should come from this anger. And I’ll be fine; don’t worry about me. I just needed an outlet, and even if this is never read by anyone other than this livid ogre, at least I feel a little better about getting this anger off my chest. On a side note, hope you have a wonderful day! And on another side note, I think I’m going to buy myself a pedicure. That should help, right?

Things That Make Me Laugh

• John
• What John says

Okay, okay, I guess that title is misleading because that's really only one thing, but tonight John really got me laughing. It's probably not even that funny, but you know how sometimes you get into an unstoppable laughing mood (similar to the crying mood, but better effects overall) and everything just seems hilarious? Well, tonight he was finishing up a 3-hour PBS version of Shakespeare's MacBeth (bless his heart!-sorry Shakespeare fans), and with 10 minutes left, he looks over at me, scratches his head and mumbles, "Oh...I guess that was Hamlet I was thinking of this whole time."

Like I said, bless his heart. And bless me, for being in such a delirious mood to find that just downright hilarious.

Let Them Eat Cake

Yes, let them eat cake! This past October and November two of my good friends and I enrolled for two cake decorating classes at the local Michaels. It was a blast! I loved having a girl’s night out every Wednesday, meeting new people, and learning about one of my interests. Because I headed back to Idaho, I wasn't able to continue in the four class series, but as soon as I have the opportunity (aka time and money), I'll be back at it. In the meantime, you can find me practicing. I've got to keep it up and improve because I plan to make the grooms cake at my wedding. There's NO way I would make my own wedding cake (I'd pull my hair out!) but I can't speak too much about this little project just yet because it's all TOP SECRET. John can't find out about this masterpiece! That's all for another blog entry some other day. Anyway, all you nearby friends, let me know if you need cake, because I need practice and I love making it!

Now none of these would make it on Cake Boss or those other fancy cake shows, but they're good enough to showcase on my happening blog, or at least I hope they don't show up on the Cake Wrecks blog.

Presenting:

A yummy chocolate German cake that I made for one of my friends.

(Please disregard the messy cake supplies to the left) My first cake I made and gave away.

A similiar rendition to the one above that I just made for kicks.

Pumpkin Praline Cake

This quite possibly the best-tasting cake I've made--SO YUMMY. I won't mention the caloric intake here...

Basket Weave Cake - I should have taken a picture of it when I first made it because this cake didn't really survive the car trip home. I need to try basket weave with chocolate icing.

Horse cake I made for John's niece, Gracie, when she turned seven. She is a horse lover! She wanted a real horse, but this was all I had to offer.

Go DAWGS! I made this cake for one of my friends from Atlanta. He's not a UGA fan but loves the Florida Gators and taunting UGA fans, so I figured I'd return the favor to him. I took this cake to his mission farewell. I used fondant on the logo, but everything else is buttercream frosting. I think this so far has been my favorite cake to make.

I made this cake for my friend, Cody, on his 22nd birthday. He's big and he's tough and a gym fanatic, so I figured this fit him well. Another fun idea, but it was little hard to make because the cake kept falling apart.

Looking for a Job?

Since returning from a semester of school in Idaho, I'm now home again working for the next four months at what the Athens Banner-Herald Reader's Choice Award claims to be the "Best Staffing Source in Athens, Georgia." I man the front desk every day, assisting with walk-ins, answering phone calls, handling paperwork, making copies, administering clerical and nursing tests, and whatever else may happen up front at a typical staffing agency. The tasks may seem a little dull to you; however, working here for the past three weeks has been anything but boring. I have learned a lot of “Do’s” and “Don’ts” in a job-seeking world. If you are part of the unfortunate percentage that is unemployed in our country, let me give you some tips that I’ve gathered these past three weeks (and p.s.: I know I haven’t collected them all, so if you know of any good ones, please feel free to share):

Job Tips, Round #1:

When you go to apply for a job, go alone. Do NOT bring the following, as it is unprofessional and will hinder your chances at getting a job (hey, we only get to do a FIRST impression once):

• Your mom
• Your dad
• Your BFF
• Yo baby's daddy
• Yo baby's mama
• Any of yo babies actually
• Your girlfriend
• Your boyfriend
• Your transportation driver
• A bad attitude (I find it difficult to help out someone who is rude or is upset that I haven’t found them a job yet…go figure)
• A stench (It's not good to smell like you haven't showered in days, or that you have really bad breath, or that you are a coffee addict or chain smoker)
• A resume that lists your Facebook and Twittering skills.
• An edited, scratched out resume with pencil/pen & white-out marks
• A cell phone or pager that's turned on with or without obnoxious ringers. Leave it in the car if it will tempt you if it rings.
• A digital portfolio with scanned sketchings of kittens, cats, or lemurs. Actually, no sketchings would be good (unless you are applying for an art position and your art portfolio is requested).
• Do NOT walk into a staffing office or any place of potential employment and use this phrase: “I heard ya’lls giving out jobs.” Rather it’d be best to state you’d like to submit an application of employment along with your resume (and it would be to your advantage to use correct grammar)

DO Bring:

• A happy, upbeat personality, who is punctual and professional
• A smile that is laced with kindness and patience
• A determined attitude
• An up-to-date resume, that is appealing both visually and content-wise. Make sure it includes your name and contact information. These are vital in obtaining a job interview for potential employment. Also, make sure you have proof-read your resume. The word “objectives” and “objections” are two different words with two different meanings.
• Legitimate references (I would avoid mentioning your probation officer here)
• Forms (yes, plural) of ID
• Any certifications received prior pertaining to your job (Ex. CNA license)
• A professional demeanor (Yes, this includes the way you dress. Spaghetti strap shirts and short shorts would be considered inappropriate).
• And depending on the situation, it might even be appropriate to bring your business card and your portfolio.

Hope this list helps for all you job-seekers out there. And yes, all the aforementioned have happened since I have started working at the staffing agency. Never a dull day, ever.

April Fool's Beefcake!

I fooled Johnny this year on April Fool’s. Don’t worry; it wasn’t mean—although one day, I would LOVE to pull off a mean prank! Nothing major, as all I did was sabotage his car, but nonetheless, was still able take him by surprise. And to quote him after the prank, “It was the best April Fools day ever.”

03/31/09: PLANNING THE PRANK

6:17 PM EST

Placed a call to his sister-in-law, Kasey, and told her that I would be coming into town to play the prank on John. She gave me a heads up on his working schedule, thinking he most likely would be asleep when I arrived (Bless his heart, those crazy pressure-washing hours).

8:30 PM -11:04 PM EST

I went shopping for prank items and baked Reeses Brownie cupcakes, one of our favorite desserts, and blew up balloons in preparation. And kept my family from eating all the goodies.

04/01/09: PULLING OFF THE PRANK

12:06 PM – 2:46 PM EST

He and I had been texting throughout the day and I said that I wish I had put more planning into April Fool’s. I asked for his advice of a prank, trying to make him think I really wanted to pull something off, but needed his help, so the joke couldn’t be on him, wink!

4:34 PM EST

Leave for HotLanta!

5:53 PM EST

Pulled off of I-285 W to fuel up, right after my gas light turned on. That wasn’t planned. Oh well!

6:34 PM – 6:51 PM EST

I arrived at the Kelley household, and for the first time was somewhat nervous about it. I had to be sneaky! I pulled up behind John’s Jeep and started to DO WORK! First, I placed balloons throughout the inside of the Jeep, then halved Oreo’s and dotted them throughout the hood and sides of his car (NOTE TO ALL FUTURE PRANKSTERS: You should buy at least 2-3 packs if you really want to get someone. One pack wasn’t enough, even for a small Jeep). After this, I wrote on his teeny-tiny windshield, “APRIL FOOLS BEEFCAKE!” Obviously “April Fools” had to be written, but I wrote “BEEFCAKE” (Just a random nickname I have for him) just so he would know it was from me.

Ben, his older brother, and also, please note, looks a LOT like John, was standing at their front door, witnessing the crime. Since he was standing behind the glass door, and I’d say about 20 feet from me, as soon as I glanced towards the home, I froze and a look of terror claimed my face, but then vanished as soon as it came as I realized it was just Ben. He laughed but soon was caught it the prank frenzy with me, as helped me wrap his car with a beautiful HOT PINK party paper strands, as he mumbled while shaking his head, “John’s going to love this. He digs this kind of stuff!” After some last minute touch-ups, we were done (Thanks Ben), and then parked my car down the street out of sight!

Balloons with a little Silly String

Up Close

The Finished Product

APRIL FOOL’S
6:52 PM – 7:15 PM EST

Ben and I at this point were scheming on how to 1. Get John awake and 2. To go outside, without being obvious. We decided that Ben would wake him up and let him know that his Jeep was leaking water everywhere. So off goes Ben! I could hear Ben talking to him, but he soon came downstairs and told me to give him some time as he was still sleepy, and it hadn’t quite registered. Meanwhile, I was downstairs, hiding in their half bathroom, in-between their front entry and the kitchen, trying not to get caught. After a couple of more minutes, Ben went up there a second time and told John that he really, really should go check on his Jeep, something was seriously wrong. Finally, bedheaded John comes downstairs, and for some reason goes to the kitchen instead of the front door, so I had to quickly shut the bathroom door as he walked past so I wouldn’t be caught. Ben, yet again, reminds John that he should check on his Jeep. “Oh yeah,” he replies.

Finally (finally!), he gets to the front door and sees it. “What!!!!.......Wait……No Way!!! Is she here???!!!” He comes back around and again, I was nervous that he’d see me staking out at my hide-out, but realizes I’m not there, or so he thinks, and stumbles outside in wonderment, circling his Jeep and just laughing. At this point, I’m out from hiding and watching with Ben from the windows, both of us just laughing at John. Finally I went out to meet him, gave him a big hug, and wished him a “Happy April Fools!”

Okay, okay, so it wasn’t really like a huge prank. I mean, really, I gave him candy and made him Reeses Brownies cupcakes, making it a really nice, pleasant prank, so I guess you could say it was more of an excuse to go see John rather than a joke. But nonetheless, it was fun surprising John and getting to see him in the middle of the week—something that never happens. I can’t wait for next year’s prank!

Wah-Lah!

Oooo Santa Baby!

With Christmas being just one week away, it dawned on me that maybe I should do some Christmas shopping. Someday, when I’m that perfect little soccer mom, I will have my Christmas shopping done and wrapped by October. But alas, I’m not a soccer mom yet; I’m your typical college student that procrastinates, and Christmas shopping is no different.

As I began to think about what to get everyone, I was exhausted as I realized what had to be accomplished by this week. It’s not so much of how much to buy, or where to buy, but really what to buy. I think a gift should be something appreciated by the receiver and a reflection of the giver.

After reviewing what I should buy or make for everyone, I thought how Christmas is so much different now as an adult with a budget. When I was younger, I made sure to send my letters to the North Pole and visited Santa personally every year. I always had some item on my Christmas wish-list, whether it was Barbie Doll or Ken, CD player and CDs, or even a car when I was older. Ironically, as a child I hated getting clothes as a gift. Now I love it! Now I don’t care too much about Barbie Dolls or Ken (unless he’s a real life Ken doll version), CD players (I’m much rather have an iPod Touch), or a new car (unless you want to pay mine off...). Christmas excitement now is not so much Santa Claus, but is more celebrating with friends and family and getting together for parties and having fun.

So just for fun, to reminisce back to my childhood, I made a wish-list. Hopefully, this will help my siblings out, especially Dean, since they keep asking what I want.

- Year membership to the gym
- An iPod Touch as previously stated
- 2 new tires on my car
- Gas Card
- College tuition paid for
- Shopping spree to the mall
- A new cell phone
- Laptop
- dSLR camera
- Diamond bracelet from Tiffany’s
- A Mink Coat


Okay, just kidding about the last two, I would never in my wildest dreams want a mink coat and jewelry from Tiffany’s is just too outrageous for me. I’m not that high-maintenance! Okay, so maybe they are all a little outrageous. I can’t imagine anyone getting me any of those for Christmas. I really don’t care too much of what I get for Christmas, as long as I am happy. Although since I am trying to work on my “bucket list,” there is one gift that I would absolutely love to see under the tree…

Santa baby, please bring a hula hoop. That’s all I really want this year. Thanks.

Merry Christmas!!!!

My Own Bucket List

This summer I took Business 101 with Brother Mark Nygren (FYI, this crazy man is a complete blog to himself. I highly recommend taking a class from him if you happen to be taking business classes at BYU-Idaho. And RANDOM, but does he look like Chevy Chase to you?!).

Anyway, he assigned us to create our own “Bucket List,” partly inspired from the movie that came out this summer with Jack Nicholson, and a newspaper article by Wendy Swallow Williams from the Washington Post. Basically he had us write a list of at least 50 things we wanted to do before we die.

And now, switching gears, this Friday, November 21, 2008, 10 A.M. EST, I will be at the oral surgeon’s office, awaiting all sorts of painkillers & drugs & even needles to put me to sleep in order to remove my lower two wisdom. Not that I’m a pansy or anything, but it does alarm me about the whole “there-is-a-chance-you-could-die-or-be-seriously-injured-for-life-from-this-procedure-so-sign-your-name-here-on-this-waiver-so-we-won’t-get-sued” form. Hmm.

If that didn’t pump me up enough, everyone has been telling me their own horror stories stories. These all have been so random, ranging from my sister, Charika-Freaka having the 2nd worst case of wisdom teeth removal as noted by her surgeon, to the Mr. Masculine being so upset about that he actually broke down and started crying, to Mr. Joe Average getting up the next to go water-rafting. Therefore, I have no clue what to expect other than maybe pain, tears, or even slight possibly of water-rafting on Saturday. We’ll see.

So what does this have to do with Brother Nygren and his “Bucket List?” Just made me look over my list and realize that if I died (sorry to sound morbid), I pretty much would not have anything accomplished from my “Bucket List.” Here’s just some of the stuff I put on it:

1. Learn piano & guitar & just overall be more musically inclined
2. Work on my mad cooking skills & take a cooking class
3. Grow a vegetable garden
4. Grow a flower garden….aww cute!
5. Complete a triathlon (I was sure ambitious when I was putting this list together!)
6. Drive stick-shift, ok, so NOT as ambitious as the triathlon
7. Get Married…hmm, I guess I didn’t think that would be assumed

8. Have babies

9. Meet HARRISON FORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I better do this last, because I might very well die of shock the moment it happens!)

10. Own a home

11. Learn to wakeboard

12. Ski/Snowboard and be good at it

13. Learn to cut hair

14. Learn to sew

15. Be on a volleyball team and actually be good at my overhand serve

16. Golf

17. Travel to CAMPINAS, BRAZIL!!!

18. Travel to Italy; however, I will have to take a class just to prep me on all the history there before I go. Once I’m there, I WILL buy a pair of shoes.

19. Be involved on the PTA for my kids

20. Run for a local office someday

21. Get a manicure (I’ve yet to do this!)

22. Keep an updated journal

23. Learn to ride a horse and actually enjoy it

24. Visit NYC and Paris, France

25. Get season tickets for an NBA team one year. I guess it depends on where I live, but my heart belongs to the Dallas Mavericks! Go Mavs!

26. Fish frequently—and actually skin, cook, and eat the fish I catch.

27. Skinny-dip…maybe more that once…

28. Graduate College, and hopefully a Masters Program

29. Perform in a community theatre play

30. Adopt a Grandparent (I actually already did this, so that’s one to cross off!)

31. Learn Spanish

32. Learn to juggle. It’d be fun!

33. Improve my hula-hooping skills

34. Hike around the Grand Canyon

35. Camp at Zions National Park

36. Take a random beach trip to Florida

37. Learn to make gourmet homemade ice-cream

38. Take a cruise

39. Do the splits. Ouch!

40. Take a ride in a hot air balloon

41. Visit a game show as an audience member

42. Have laser eye surgery performed
43. Pick up photography and be good at it!

44. Learn calligraphy

45. Start to scrap book

46. Get a real estate license

47. Learn to make bread, and have it taste better than my mother’s.

48. Go on a mission for my church (hopefully to Brazil!!!)

49. Run a mile in under 8 minutes

50. Be an extra in a movie

So some are events, some of these are life-long goals, and some I may actually never get to. We’ll see with life’s twists and turns what will actually happen. But as soon as I regain consciousness from my oral surgery, you could say I’ll definitely have my work cut out for me. Wish me luck!